by Tamara Imboden, on 5 June 2019 (view profile)
“Dörf i fröge…? Ich meine, ich finds ja so guet, es isch ja super, aber vo wo …? Dini eltere…? Bisch da ufgwachse?”
Do you know this? This is a monologue I have listened to countless times. So, clearly, this is a difficult topic. People are curious. They see that I’m brown, they are used to thinking of Swiss
people as white, and so they want to know where the brown comes from. And you know what? I think it should be okay to be curious. People definitely shouldn’t shy away from the topic. Because
Swiss isn’t just white anymore. And ignoring the topic isn’t going to make it go away.
But there are nuances that need to be appreciated as well. So, to those of you who are curious but don’t want to offend anyone, here is my guide to asking me about my background.
I kid you not, in 2017, someone I had just met said this to me.
"Your skin is nice. Like tasty milk chocolate with nuts!"
Of course, I have to emphasise that this is my personal opinion on the topic. I cannot speak for everyone. There are people who want to stay faaaar away from it (a difficult feat, as skin colour
happens to be a very visible gene).
So here's my two cents. Questions are okay. If people want to know about a potentially interesting background, that’s fine. It’s good, actually. I think that removing the taboo from this topic
will ultimately reduce the divisions between migrant and non-migrant communities, because it will increase understanding between them. The questions were never an issue (for me) – my issue is
with either how they are asked, or with where they lead afterwards.
“Where are you from?” is not a bad question, and people shouldn’t be afraid of it. It allows the person you are speaking to to choose whether they want to elaborate. Do they want to tell you
about their passport? Do they want to discuss their childhood? Their parent’s histories? Or their current situation? So this question is perfectly okay to ask.
But I want to emphasise that it comes with a lot of baggage. It carries so much meaning that we don’t even really understand. Do you want to know where my parents are from? Do you
want to know which passport I hold? Which languages I speak? Or where I grew up? I will answer this questions in an entirely different way, based on my assessment of the situation. If I think you
are asking me because you think Swiss people should be white, then I will say “Zurich”. If I think you are genuinely interested in my background, then I will give you the whole shebang. Don’t ask
me in a fake, slow, meant-to-be-for-children High German. Then you’re assuming I can’t be from here. I may just respond in the same manner.
So, if you are willing to let me decide how much information to give you, or you really just want to hear how I define where I am from, then, yes, absolutely ask me where I am
from.
But if you cannot cope with the unpredictable response I will provide for “Where are you from?”, then maybe you need to change your approach. Perhaps you can be more specific. So if you
wanna know where I grew up, ask me "Where did you grow up?" The question, "Which passport do you have?", is an interesting one because it will relate to my rights as a citizen of a
particular country, and maybe to my struggle attaining similar rights in Switzerland. I would happily answer that question too. "Are your parents from Switzerland?" is also interesting.
While it carries similar baggage to the first question, it may be a bit less personal. “Where did you go to school?” would be a fruitful question to ask me – it carries all sorts
of implications about which countries I feel close to, and it gives the interviewee the chance to keep it simple.
Many people will repeat "Where are you from?" and hope the answer will miraculously change (as you may have seen in my cartoon last week). Insisting that my answer ("Zurich") is not good enough makes me feel like you cannot believe I am from here. You believe that I must be from somewhere else. You are underlining the differences between us, downplaying our similarities. So you’re refusing to accept me, making me feel alien in my own country. It’s possible that you will come across someone who doesn’t want to talk about their heritage, or someone who believes there is no other answer to the question of where they’re from. If they choose not to elaborate, drop it! Pushy people are annoying, no matter what is being discussed.
Very important: no matter which question you choose to ask, there are some words that you should avoid at all costs.
"Ha gmeint du bisch exotisch, weisch."
– Someone trying (and failing) to hit on me at Bürkliplatz. ("I thought you were exotic, you know.")
If you call me exotic (I’m not joking, I’ve heard this fairly often), I will become the most zürcherischi Zürcherin you can imagine. I will tell you all about my village called
Schleinikon, my expriences at Uni Züri, my Heimatort im Wallis. Google literally suggests that the synonym for exotic is “foreign”. So you’re excluding me from what is considered
‘normal’ or ‘local’ by using that word. Also, it emphasises the "mystery" surrounding people like me – which I think contributes to a type of fear of the immigrant, as well.
If you compare me to food (like above), you’ve lost. I’m not cake. I’m not chocolate. I don’t contain nuts or dairy. I’m not edible! (Sometimes these comments are cute, but only if you know me
reaaaaally well. If this is the third thing you have said to a stranger, as my experience above, then I probably don't remember anything else you may have said.)
"Feini Milchschoggi mit Nüss."
So, to draw this ramble to a close: yes, ask me where I'm from! But don't be surprised by my answer. Don't compare me to food. And as I said – don’t push it. If you feel someone is resisting, don’t force them into talking. After all, you’re not telling them your deepest family history or elaborating on your identity. Also, we get asked this a lot, so sometimes, we’re just too tired to answer. Give it some time. Maybe you’ll find out when we feel a little more comfortable with you, when we don’t feel that we’re being interviewed under a spotlight.
by Tamara Imboden, on 5 June 2019
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