by Tamara Imboden, on 23 June 2019 (view profile)
One of my earliest memories goes back to when I was three years old. I was sitting in the back of our car with my mother and a visitor who only spoke English. I didn’t know much English back then – only a few words here and there that I’d picked up from my parents’ conversations. So my mum demonstrated what I should say to our visitor. And I imitated her:
“I – am – three – years – old.”
Though this is my earliest memory, English didn’t really feature in my life until much later. My mother had learnt to speak Swiss German, so I never really needed to speak English. So the memory is strangely displaced, yet oddly fitting at the same time. Although I didn’t know it, English would become the language of my thoughts less than five years later.
So the first language that I learnt was actually Swiss German. It was only when we moved, first to the Maldives, then to Sri Lanka when I was six years old that I started learning English. My
first clash with language. At school, they sat me next to the German kid, Alex, and he hated me. I constantly pestered him with questions. He had to translate for me. And on top of that, he
thought I was ridiculous, because I had bizarre spelling. I spelt “the” using my knowledge of the more phonetic German way of spelling things, so I wrote “dä” instead. How was I supposed to know
that English didn’t have ä, ö, ü?
But the young mind easily accustoms itself to changes of every nature. I grew to love English. I slid into it, as easily as one slides down the adventurous slides of Alpamare. I passed my exams with flying colours, after only having studied in English for a few months. And Alex was my best friend for many years afterwards.
That is how my Swiss German, and eventually my High German, slipped into secondary and tertiary roles. I used Swiss German as a secret language to discuss all the secret dealings of a ten year
old with my other 'half-Swiss' friends. I took up classes for High German as a second language. I thought it was easy, but I didn’t recognise the giant leap it takes from using German as a second
language to using German comfortably without translating each word in my head.
So my second clash with language followed when I went back to Switzerland. After grade 10, I moved to Wettingen, Switzerland. My High German had never developed past that of a ten year old’s. But
at high school, they wanted me to write essays. I didn’t stand a chance. I didn’t know what suitable structures to use for writing in German. I didn’t know the difference between 'accusative' and
'dative'. And when I read in German, everything took me five times as long as in English. I gave up hope too quickly, and I dropped out.
Me, in Switzerland, awkward on a school trip in 2009.
That clash was not resolved for another three years. Two things changed in those three years. I changed. My image of myself as a student changed. I realised only after quitting school in 2011 how
badly I wanted to go to university. I did a fast track university course in New Zealand (in English) in 2012 and passed with flying colours. My entire perception of myself turned then. I realised
how much my mindset has to do with it. I realised that I had agency. I wasn’t just a ball being thrown about by the world. I realised that if I stick with it, I can be the one to help myself out
of the swamp.
But another thing played a huge role. The people around me changed. In high school, the people around me didn’t really understand my complex background. They didn’t really know what it was like
studying in a language that I felt was alien to me. Or speaking in that language day in, day out. When I said strange things they giggled. When I spoke High German with my English accent, they
laughed. My closest friends asked me why I spoke so strangely (“Wieso redsch du so komisch?”). When I went to University three years later, people’s reactions were completely different.
Suddenly, they were curious about why I threw in an English word every now and then. That helped me build my confidence to speak and speak and speak, and that led me to gain the practice I needed
to rebuild both my Swiss and High German.
People’s supportive attitude and my own sense of agency gave me the resilience to read and try to understand all the university material. And to feel proud of my background. To feel proud of my silly language errors that I still make every once in a while. To approach the challenge of owning a language that doesn’t feel like my own with gusto. Shifting from one language to another can be daunting and difficult. But if you think about all that you gain by it, and how awesome it is that you can navigate between different cultures, it makes the effort totally worth it.
by Tamara Imboden, on 23 June 2019
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